Deadnaming means using someone's old name instead of their chosen name, particularly when a trans person has changed their name as part of their transition. This practice causes real harm and pain to trans people, even when unintentional. It can feel like a deliberate rejection of who they are, undermining their sense of identity and belonging.

Why deadnaming causes harm

When you use someone's previous name rather than their chosen name, you are essentially telling them that you do not recognise or accept who they are. For transgender people, choosing a new name is often a crucial part of expressing their authentic identity. Deadnaming can trigger feelings of rejection, invalidation, and distress, regardless of whether it was intentional. The psychological impact can be particularly severe because it suggests that the person's core identity is not being acknowledged or respected.

The simple solution

The respectful approach is straightforward: ask someone what their name is and then use that name. This basic courtesy costs nothing but means everything to the person whose identity you are acknowledging. When you meet someone new or learn that someone has changed their name, make the mental note and use their chosen name consistently. Helen emphasises that this is not complicated - it is simply about treating people with basic respect and dignity.

When mistakes happen

If you accidentally use someone's previous name, apologise briefly and move on. A quick 'sorry, I meant [correct name]' is sufficient. Avoid lengthy apologies that centre your own discomfort rather than the other person's experience. The key is to make a genuine effort to get it right going forward. Consistent effort and respect matter more than occasional mistakes, which are a normal part of learning to use someone's correct name.

Creating supportive environments

Using someone's chosen name consistently helps create an environment where transgender people feel safe and supported. This simple act of recognition can significantly impact their wellbeing and sense of belonging. In families, workplaces, and social settings, making this effort demonstrates genuine care and respect for the people around you.

If you would like support understanding how to be more inclusive in your relationships or workplace, Helen provides guidance on creating respectful environments for transgender people.